Jan. 6th, 2011

aflaminghalo: (wonderful)
The first time I thought about doing my year round up post I was struck with a wave of depression - my job sucks, I suck, everything sucks and it'll never ever change.

But then I realised that actually, nearly everything was changing. It's just me who's still a bit stuck.

In December I started a secondment with the Advancing Quality team (we make sure that people are getting the right treatment in the right time frame for certain illnesses - Heart Failure, Acute Myocardial Infarction, Pneumonia, Hip and Knee replacements and more recently Stroke). Mainly, it's more of the same - note pulling, but I also have to do more data entry and most importantly I am working on a small (lovely) team with no clinic deadlines. It's only 20 hours a week (over three days) and I still have to do one day a week in Med Recs, but I now have Thursdays off to sort myself out. It's only guaranteed for this first three months, but hopefully if I can make myself invaluable it'll last. I don't know whether I could go back to Med Recs.

I started the Insanity programme, and yes. Despite all my good intentions I did not manage to finish it fully. I finished it to the best of my ability though, as it's hard to find the time to exercise when you are coming in from work and falling asleep pretty much immediately. I've recently started the PX90 programme and hopefully that will carry me through to the spring when I can go outside to exercise in the daylight.
But yes, I've lost weight, my body has definitely changed and I eat better. I feel stronger in mind and body.
My sister keeps grabbing my arse though, and that's definitely something I could live without.

Just before Christmas I took myself off to the Docs about my sleeping pattern. No point in lying about it, I was finally asking for medication. Which after asking if I was eating right and exercising (why yes Dr, I do high intensity cardio four times a week) I was offered. Once I'd had my little freak out, run away and done St Johns Wort for three weeks I sucked it up and went back. I took my first dose of citralopram on the first.
Tbh, I feel better in my head already. Not best, but better. I am not foolish enough to think that this is anything more than the placebo effect (and the suspicious paranoid part of me does wonder if I have a packed full of placebos) especially so soon in. I do look forward to having a head that doesn't feel like it has been fire damaged though.

I'm not ambitious. I want to get my ECDL, draw more, learn to use my pinhole camera and get my writing strength up so that anything more than a thousand words doesn't make me feel as though I'm dying.
I also can't decide whether I should watch more gay porn or less. Those men are an excellent exercise inspiration.
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